Off the Radio.

It’s been a while since I last posted on here, so let me bring you up to speed with what’s happened…

First things first: I’ve finished my treatment!!!

I had four-and-a-half weeks of intense radiotherapy. All that radiation zapped into my body every early morning wore me out, hence why I haven’t blogged as much recently.

My radiotherapists put me into position under the machine, before blitzing my breast and sub-clavicle with radiation. The machine hovered over me but – unlike a CT scan – I was not in a tunnel, so any claustrophobes that are due to undergo radiotherapy need not worry. My sessions were quite quick, they took no longer than twenty minutes.

I was warned by my doctors that the side effects would worsen the closer I got to the end of my treatment. They weren’t wrong – I’m bloody knackered. Chemo was every three weeks, which gave me time to get my strength back before the next cycle; whereas with radiotherapy, I had it every weekday for nearly five weeks. Thus, all the radiation built up as the treatment went on and left me exhausted.

Although it’s not exactly the same, I can imagine what arthritis sufferers go through. My knees – which aren’t great at the best of times – and other joints ache, even when I get up from my seat after watching TV (I still have SO MANY programmes to catch up on). But I am going for daily walks to help boost my stamina and feeling better for it. I’m not getting ahead of myself in thinking that I’m close to full strength, oh no – I’m currently trying to master the balance between being active and over-exertion.

However, my hot flushes are ridiculous. They have been a regular occurrence since chemo but have got worse over the course of my treatment, especially now that I’m on hormone therapy medication. Nobody warns you about how insane they are – even on the coldest days and nights, I’ll end up sweating like a pig in a sauna.

Thank goodness the weather isn’t warm right now, but I’m sure it will be unbearable when summer comes around, especially if it’s anything like last year – 36 degrees centigrade and rising. Extreme temperatures annoy me at the best of times, so dealing with it on a daily basis for the next few years is not something I’m looking forward to, but things could be worse and I’m extremely thankful that they are not.

My scars are healing nicely and, apart from some soreness under my breast (which was really itchy at first but has sorted itself out), they are doing well.

Also, my fingernails are looking less blackened, but my word, they are absolutely hideous right now. I foolishly decided to give myself a manicure and misjudged how weak my nails are – I over-buffed them and now they are a broken, busted mess.

During chemo (they were darker than this):

Now (before my awful manicure):

They grew so long during chemo and with little effort – my pinky fingernails were like talons! I felt like Coko from SWV.

My hair is also growing back. I was rocking a bald head and had no eyebrows for ages, but in the couple of weeks they’ve suddenly burst back to life. My new growth is really soft and looks great.

It’s been over a month since I finished my treatment and I’m feeling ok, but I’m still a bit fatigued and achy around my body. I feel like a robot that needs some WD40 to oil my rusty joints.

Apart from that, I can’t complain!

The Wall.

Just had the worst week (and a half) of fatigue ever. Thanks to a combination of chemo and my period, I was a hot mess.

I had got over the worst of my post-chemo nausea and was beginning to feel better. I was not expecting my period to show up but ‘Aunt Flo’ rocked up like a gatecrasher at a party and sapped all my energy for the whole week.

Most days I felt so drained, like a pig in an abattoir. One day I went for a 30 minute walk and resembled an old woman trying to walk up Mount Everest. I was so tired that I had to hold onto my mum instead of the other way round. But I did it and it felt like an accomplishment.

I felt better the next day so I went to do a bit of shopping and ended up having to sit down a few times, as the wall of fatigue would hit me and I could barely walk. Fatigue is frustrating because it makes you feel like you are lazy and that you must fight through the tiredness barrier. But you can’t. The only way to fight fatigue is to not fight it, but that meant I had to go to bed when I got home – again. It can leave you with a sense of guilt but, when that wall hits you it knocks you out, so all you can do is sit down, throw a blanket over yourself and REST. Some days I couldn’t be arsed to cleanse my face properly because it felt like a chore, despite promising to pamper myself whenever I could.

To relieve my extreme tiredness, I took everything I could find to boost my energy levels: vitamins, tonic, the lot. It helped but only up to a point, as I then discovered that my blood count was very low – too low to have my next chemo session. As a result, I needed immediate blood and iron transfusions and had to stay in hospital overnight as a precautionary measure. The transfusions were ok, although there were a couple of issues. Finding a decent vein proved slightly problematic and the cannula was deemed too narrow for the blood to go through after it had been put in (typical!) and I was concerned that they would have to take it out and put in a new one… but they didn’t. Huzzah!

Since my transfusions I feel much better and more energised, but I know that – come chemo time – things will go downhill for a few days before I pick up again. After a couple of rounds of chemo, it becomes routine – although not the sort of routine you want to keep up forever. Just got to keep on keepin’ on.